Archive for August 6th, 2008

Head Noise

For some unknown reason, my mind has been very….unquiet, here at JETI, the teacher’s workshop I am teaching at for 2.5 weeks.  I am getting my full 8 hours of sleep, but all night it feels like I’m having a running conversation in my head, so I don’t exactly feel very rested.  It is driving me NUTS.  Many of you who know me personally know that I have a tendency to talk a lot, and I’m really trying to work on majorly cutting down on the amount of talking I do and increase the amount of listening (in both a literal sense and a more spiritual sense), but it’s very difficult, as the primary part of my job is, well, talking.

When I wake up in the mornings, it’s like I can hear the remnants of the “conversation” fading away, so I can’t remember what it was that my mind was busy doing or saying, but I do have a clear memory of not really dreaming, but instead thinking about conversations – as if my dreams were purely audio.  Normally, my dreams have very little talking, and are very, very visual (gee, what a surprise from a photographer!), and so this is not only unusual, but also a little agitating!

This workshop is really, other than Marc’s visit to me during my vacation 2 weeks ago, the first time I have really felt relaxed since coming to Korea, because there is so little pressure here at this facility, and so I am utterly baffled as to what’s up with my brain.  Who knows, maybe because I have no stress during the day my body feels that clearly I have to be stressed SOME time, and so its only option is to irritate the hell out of me as I sleep.

Hopefully this will go away soon.  If it were contemplative thoughts, I would welcome the reflection, but I can tell that the conversations I’m having are purely superficial and sort of daily talks.  I used to have this problem (I called it “head noise”) for most of my life, and after a good 2-3 years of effort, I have pretty much eliminated it from my waking life, but I guess it’s now making itself known while I sleep.  Great.

Who knows.  There’s a Meeting (as in Quaker worship, for those of you not up on the terminology) up in Seoul that I might go to next weekend during my weekend jaunt up there.  It might be helpful, especially since I will be going back to work in Jindo shortly afterward, and many of you know how stressful that place is.


August 2008

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