Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a clearness committee right about now…

3 Responses to “*sigh*”

  1. 1 QuakerDave September 19, 2008 at 10:25 am

    Uh oh. THAT doesn’t sound good…

  2. 2 Driftingfocus September 19, 2008 at 1:14 pm

    In short (or, in long, really, haha):

    My education office (read: school district) is about to totally shift me around, and change my main school, and are switching the schools I will be working at, and they are sticking me largely at schools which I dislike. In the past, I was able to deal with them because I was also working at schools (I work at 7) that had students I *did* like, but now I will primarily be working with the “problem students”, it seems. They have recently moved me out of my filthy accomodation (see my Korea blog for photos), but they switched my apartment, and I am now living next to my co-teacher (who is also sort of in charge of me, as sort of a “minder”), which feels like living next to some sort of hybrid between a co-worker and a parent – not the most desirable situation. Also, Marc is having some serious issues back in the states, and me being gone is making them exponentially worse, and it kills me to know that.

    So, I’m considering just getting a one-way ticket in February (I have a month of vacation in Feb that I just would not return from). It would cut my saved pay almost in half (from about $16k down to $9k), but I think that come December or so, I will be having to really think about whether the money is worth the risk to my happiness. In my experience, it rarely is. The main reason I am here is so I can save up money so that I can have an easier, more comfortable life with Marc when I get back. If that life disappears while I am here trying to make it happen, then the money is a moot point, to a large extent.

    I wish there were some way for me to visit in October or November, but there are *no* holidays whatsoever. There are rumblings that there may be no winter camps this January, in which case I could leave for the US in mid-Jan, which would help, but his stress seems to be *now*, and even though leaving *now* is not really an option, the earlier I can get home, the better. As of right now, the absolute earliest I could return to the US without returning broke (I’m paying off debt) would be late November, but really, the extra month and a half would give me several thousand more. So, November would be an emergency-only type situation.

    Anyway. I’m just feeling really helpless. I want to be there with him, as this is turning out to be a really stressful year for him (writing his thesis, dealing with applying to govt. jobs, drama with friends) but we are separated by about 8,000 miles of ocean and the US While I do my best to be there for him, you can only do that so much when you’re 8,000 miles away. There’s just no substitute, really, for a real hug, and I wish that I could give that to him now, when he needs it most.

    There’s a potential downside to that course of action though, predictably. Leaving Korea could end up being a slippery slope that can end up with either person always giving up their goals so they can support the other person, and eventually that turns into resentment. Plus, the added financial strain (which I am here to alleviate in the first place) could end up causing problems if I were to return, especially in the present economic climate.

    On one hand, I have not been very happy here, and I dislike being essentially an indentured servant (see a great article on Korean ESL work conditions here: http://scottishboomerang.wordpress.com/2007/11/08/the-indentured-teacher/) in a country where I am disliked simply for not being Korean . On the other hand, I question my reasons for leaving, and whether they are right/valid/etc.

    So, yeah. To me, this sort of thing is what I have seen people have very good luck with clearness committees about in the past. So, it is unfortunate that I’m not up in Seoul, and that the Friends here don’t know me all that well.

  3. 3 Mom September 27, 2008 at 1:09 am

    I hadn’t really had a chance to read your blogs much during the post-Ike times, but now that we have power I was trying to catch up with all computer related stuff.

    I am sorry to hear that Marc is having problems right now. I really know, really I do, that the distance seems really unbearable at times like these. I know from this comment of yours that you are looking at this thing rationally. I realize that you have quite a ways to go in your contract and you are coming upon the most difficult time, nearing halfway. I do know that you are thinking with both head and heart here, but you are correct in you paragraph about the economy in the US right now. Things are not looking good and if you return while still in debt, I do think that you will regret it and it will put strain on you in many different ways. I understand that being in a country, alone, is exceedingly difficult. I do think that your time in February spent in the US with Marc, being able to visit friends and family will be a mixed blessing. You will feel comforted and yet unsettled. Your time back in Korea afterwards will be relatively short and will give you some distance and time to think about what you can do when you leave Korea.

    You don’t know how lucky you are to have the internet, email and skype for long distance communication. When I lived abroad there was only snail mail and that was very hard. Yes, Europe was easier than Korea, but friends, boyfriends, family are still far away.

    Your dad and I will try to skype you tonight…your Saturday morning if you’re available.

    We are so lucky to have power. There are still close to half a million people without power and they may be without power for some time as the damage is worse in some areas.

    Talk to you soon.
    Love you dearly

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September 2008

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